The (Second) Battle Between David and Goliath: The Times May Have Changed – But The Result Hasn’t – Part II

If you haven’t stopped by in the last few couple of days, you may want to read the previous post, so that all this makes sense.

On May 18, 2013, I was released from the hospital after my first round of chemotherapy. It was an exhilarating time.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Sportscaster Bob Costas speaking to you from inside the Moanalua (Medical) Center:

Bob Costas: “Ladies and gentlemen, this week we have witnessed a tremendous battle of what I’ll call determination versus inevitability. Yes…and this time somehow, someway, the challenger, Larry, who I’ll refer to as “determination” found a way to pull out a victory… and regardless of how brief the celebration may be…it is a victory nonetheless. Overcoming the natural advantages our champion, Mantle Cell Lymphoma, brings to every match, Larry battled toe-to-toe for five days and five nights, until MCL threw his gloves up in disgust screaming “No Mas” and left the ring (hospital bed). Oh…don’t misunderstand me, we have a long, long way to go; after all this was just the eighth round of a scheduled fifteen rounder, but if this is how Larry intends to fight MCL from this point forward, you might want to put down that remote control and grab yourself some popcorn. For more insight and a little perspective, let’s go down to ringside (bedside) to our own Larry Merchant and Charles Barkley…Gentlemen.”

Larry Merchant: “Thank you Bob…Larry Merchant here, along with my Hall of Fame partner Charles Barkley…well, what more can I add? As you know, pre-fight, I predicted that the champ, after toying with our challenger for the first seven rounds, would finally knock Larry out for the count…hang him out to dry, like wet bed sheets on a Kansas clothesline. Frankly, Larry didn’t look good heading into this one…his recent weight loss, along with the pounding he’s taken in previous rounds…added up to disaster in my mind…Charles what’s your take on this astonishing turn of events?”

Charles Barkley: Oh, my, my, my! Larry, did you see the way MCL…sounds like a rapper name don’ it? left the ring…like a little crybaby! Like a little crybaby! Throws up his hands and yells “no mas”; hell, you don’t see no champion act like that…no way! And Larry, good god almighty…did you see that boy? The look on his face? I’m tellin’ you right here and now…this one’s going the distance…all the way, baby. Look, hear me out…I’ll tell you what turned the tide on this one; it’s his tag team partner…that made this one happen. Ain’t no way that bruised and battered boy do that on his lonesome…no way. His partner, Kemosabay…no…Aromatherapy…no that’s not it…oh yeah, I remember Chemotherapy! Chemotherapy! Larry got no answers ’til Chemotherapy comes to town. Now it’s a fight…we got us a fight!”

Larry Merchant: “Agreed, Charles…I could actually see the tumors and cancerous lymph nodes melting away…quite amazing. Charles, let’s recap the fight…round by round so far. In round one, back in 2009, it seemed like our challenger had a fair chance of holding his own against the champion. Charles what’s your assessment?”

Charles: “Well, I couldn’t agree more…he was in great shape coming in…with all that runnin’ and water workouts, it looked to me like Larry was up to the task, but then slowly, oh, so slowly…he began to wear down, as the champ just delivered one body blow after another.”

Larry: “In round two our challenger added a new tool to his arsenal…acupuncture.”

Charles: “Right…right! Looked good too. It definitely, revived him for a while…but, ha, ha, ha, sorry about the laugh, but come on, admit it…it was kinda funny seeing him bein’ chased around the ring by MCL! I’m right, you know I am.”

Larry (smiling): “Charles you got a way with words…brother. Now, in round three, Larry adds Chinese herbs to the mix and gets MCL stepping back a little. What about that?”

Charles: “Damn…that surprised the hell outta me…really did! Who woulda’ thought some little herbs would whack MCL upside the head? Nobody…nobody. But it did give Larry a little time to regroup and get ready for the rounds ahead…no doubt about that.”

Larry: “In round four, the champ had Larry on the ropes with his new weapon…h.pylori. In my opinion that was a devastating blow. Charles?”

Charles: “Jez’ you kidding me?…That nearly killed him! Did you see that dude rolling around on the floor? I jus’ couldn’t watch…I tell you, I had to avert my eyes. Damn, he lost so much weight a decent trade-wind woulda’ blown his ass all the way to the mainland! No kiddin’!”

Larry (clearing his throat):
“Charles, round five was incredible for two reasons, first the mere fact that Larry survived the relentless onslaught and then secondly, the way he came back to even things up.”

Charles (raising his eyebrows at Larry Merchant): “You, jokin’ right? You really think he made a comeback? No…not really. Look, that beat-down MCL gave him was just horrifying…he lost two feet of his small intestine and a third of his freakin’ colon! You ain’t never goin’ climb outta bed after that crap and think it’s business as usual. Ain’t no way that go’na happen. Ain’t no one got time fo’ that! I tell ya’, ain’t no one got time fo’ that.”

Larry: “Charles I think you’re on to something. So, in your opinion Larry never fully recovered from that fifth round beating?”

Charles: “Like I said, ‘Ain’t no one got time fo’ that.”

Larry: “Right. Let’s recap round six for a moment. Charles you must admit Larry looked pretty good in round six? He was on his feet the entire round…moving good in the ring, making the champ chase him.”

Charles: “Yeah, ha ha, thank the good lord he didn’ catch him…that’s all I can say. Oh, my god, he looked like a chicken bein’ cornered by a fox in the hen house! Larry, just never got back after the surgery…he looked healthy…kinda’, but he was running ’cause he had no game at that point. I half expected him to sit in his corner and ask for a cool pop. Actually, I crack myself up.”

Larry: “Okay, now for round seven. The challenger goes into the Cooley-Dickinson (Medical) Center to meet the champ in this one. Charles how did that one look to you?”

Charles: “It was jus’ pathetic! Right out’ the bell, he goes face down…what was that…a single belly jab?”

Larry: “Actually, it was a perforated stomach ulcer,”

Charles: “Whatever…he just laid there not talkin’…hell, hardly breathin’…what kinda’ entertainment value you got there? Still, I suppose we should give him some props for getting off the mat and making it through. All I can say is I thought it was pretty much all over at that point; so to see him come back in round eight like he did surprised the heck outa’ me…really did.”

Larry: “Okay, well that’s all from here Bob…back to you.”

Bob Costas: “Thank you Larry and thank you Sir Charles…we all love to hear reality according to Sir Charles. Well, that’s going to do it for us tonight; an exciting one it has been, as David slays Goliath in a battle of life and death. Be sure to join us next month when once again these two battle from Moanalua Center. Until then…good night and Aloha.”

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